cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize