Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
