I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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