i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
