Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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