Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
