Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
