I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
