I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
