yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the condom got lost in my hair
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
