Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
