This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
