Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
