He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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