I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
