I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
