I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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