'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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