Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize