The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
