I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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