Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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