So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
