Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
