my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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