how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
is wine microwaveable?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
