This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
