I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
