She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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