WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
