we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
