You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
