You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
