I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I can't put those talents on a resume
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
