i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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