When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
