I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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