Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
