A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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