I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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