Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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