He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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