Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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