i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
should my penis look like a turkey
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
