The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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