I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
