You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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