I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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