I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
