hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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