so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just had sex bonerless
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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