Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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