Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
