I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
