Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
