dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
These tits shall not be calmed
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
