is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
How's work?
Spinning.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize