Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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