Only a mothe r could love this liver
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
