exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
