cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
