11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
