i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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