its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
