The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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