This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
