OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
