I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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