Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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